i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
