Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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