I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
even my farts smell like vagina
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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