Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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