it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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