my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
