I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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