Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
