i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
