I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
