please come you make the beer taste better
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
