shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
high people should be assigned attendants
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
