needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
