Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
