If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Randomize
