were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
