i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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