dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
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I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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