I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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