okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
