sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
