I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
