I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
