Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
