I am puke
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
A bitchslap is in order.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
