Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
