It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
