my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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