The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
