Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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