No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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