brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
