When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
