I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
