she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
