when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
