oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
