Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
