Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
