I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
