Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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