Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
