Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
