so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
