Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
