Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
