I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
