dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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