yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
