First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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