I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
