the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
