I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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